Specifc Fics: John's POV after Sam leaves for Stanford

[writewanderlust.livejournal.com]

Okay, so I believe that these are two separate specific fics that I am looking for, but I could be wrong. Both are set pre-series, after Sam leaves for Stanford and are more or less from John's POV focusing on Dean and how he's handling his brother leaving (hint: not well). Both are Wincest, maybe only in implication, I can't 100% remember. I think both are oneshots/under 10k. The details I remember are below:

1. Dean is really not handling Sam leaving well and John is kind of refusing to acknowledge it, with kind of an attitude of "he's doing pretty okay" but then they hunt something that they both KNOW has been throwing people off cliffs and he sees Dean follow it up onto a clifface anyway and nearly get himself killed and then he's like "holy shit I think he just tried to commit suicide by hunting." Dean, of course, doesn't cop to it, but I think things get moderately better after they talk about it a little.

2. I remember even less detail about the second fic, but what stands out in my memory is a scene where Dean has just drunk himself dumb and is just sitting on the floor in the bathroom being intermittently sick while John witnesses. They may kind of discuss in this scene that Dean is losing it now that Sam's gone, and I think John might even draw a comparison to how he reacted to losing Mary.

I'm not quite sure that "John Finds Out" is the right genre to categorize this, but there is definitely acknowledgement from John in both of them that there was something more significant about his sons' bond than he initially realized. Take that as you will. I remember them both being subtle and very sad.

Thanks for your help!