spnstoryfinders_lj | Preseries Epic Depressing Saga

Hello can any of you lovely people help me? I'm looking for a specific fanfiction I read years and years ago. I remember it was very long, gen, and very Deancentric. I remember quite a few details about the story, but for the life of me, not the title or the author.

Dean and John were hunting together, but both of them very depressed following Sam leaving for college. Dean was on a major downward spiral and the writing was very introspective. John and Dean are both drinking and hunting a lot, at one point they almost get themselves killed drunk!hunting and Dean tells his dad "we gotta stop drinking, no more hunting when we're drunk" At one point, John and Dean start staying in a ramshackle house with some outcast teenage boys in the desert somewhere. It turns out the boys are worshiping/summoning demons. One of the possesses John and Dean fights with him in a laundromat, and then there's a big fire, and something saves Dean...a demigoddess I think?

Later, Dean is alone and he gets very sick and dying in a cabin and he has a friend named Puck that helps him out? Then at some point, Dean realizes that something he's hunting is after Sam and he and John race to Stanford to save Sam without him ever knowing they were even there. There was a WHOLE lot more to this story but that's all I can remember. There was a lot of good old fashioned Dean angsting over Sam and John being a crappy father and it was so beautifully written...It's driving me crazy! Please help.

edit: FOUND! Thanks so much!