[identity profile] misspartygirl24.livejournal.com

I'm looking a fic where Dean wakes up and phones Bobby to find out where Sam is, Bobby says to look in his wallet - it's Sam suicide note.

I think Sam went back in time and killed himself
[identity profile] cmdrtabii.livejournal.com
Hey guys, it's been a while. I'm back with two specific requests, one that I searched for before but never found.

1) crossdressing - Sam and Dean make a bet about something, Sam loses and has to wear a pair of panties, Dean laughs at him and teases him, Sam says something about Dean thinking he's disgusting and gets really upset because he likes wearing the panties. (wincest)

2) suicidal!sam - After Sam finds out he's Lucifer's vessel, he tries to kill himself. Lucifer brings him back but Sam eventually starts committing suicide just to get some rest. This works for a while but eventually the damages start carrying over after he's brought back. (ex. he shoots himself in the head, he's resurrected with a hole in his head; cutting his wrists leaves scars, etc.) (gen, i think)

Thanks for any help!
[identity profile] bound-amalthea.livejournal.com
Hey y'all,
It's a bit alarming, but I went to visit sinful-desire.org for their archive of fics, specifically "Riot Gear" and the entire site has been suspended.
Anyone have a copy of Riot Gear? Or any others off the site? Riot Gear is possibly one of my favourite stories to read.

[identity profile] caity78998.livejournal.com
Hello! I'm looking for a specific fanfiction that I just can't find anywhere! I think it's based around 9x13 The Purge, after Dean and Sam have their fight, but I can't say for sure. Sam leaves the bunker, and Dean is left heartbroken. Sam goes back to college, gets married, haves a kid I think, and he calls Dean once a month or so. That was until Dean smashed his phone. Cas isn't in this story, and in the end Dean does something terrible, and Sam doesn't find out until 4 months later or something? It could possibly be a one!shot, but I'm not sure. The whole story describes Dean's depression and is very well written. Thanks in advance!

(Found by the lovely person in the comments who knew the title of this amazing story.)
[identity profile] bound-amalthea.livejournal.com
Hey y'all!
Huge throwback search to a specific scene from the season finale of season 4. Where "Dean" (Zachariah) left a hateful voice mail to Sam about how he's a monster.

I'd like any fics that deal with that voice mail. Especially if Sam is depressed/hurt from the voice mail, suicidal even. I don't know why but I like to feel their heartache. I'm weird.
Wincest preferred.

I just finished reading Couples' Counseling by Lazy_daze and was craving some unresolved tension/misunderstanding.

Please and Thank you in advance guys!
[identity profile] syllysyl.livejournal.com

I'm looking for a specific story in which Dean was (or is) suicidal. He lives with Sam and Jess and he has two dogs. It is a destiel fic and I think it is on AO3
[identity profile] imaginingjarpad.livejournal.com
I doubt anyone will know what story i'm talking about, because i barely remember but, i'll give it a shot anyway. Here's what i can recall

1) jared and jensen fought about something causing jared to go to a motel in another place i think?
2) jared had written a suicide note.
3) jensen found it and was shocked.
4) i think there was a scene that jensen got in bed with jared and was saying he wouldn't know what he would do without him but i don't know.

this is all i can remember:(( i know i read it on ao3 and i don't think it was too incredibly long. I also think i saw it in one of phoenix1966 recs, but again, i'm not sure. I know this is a long shot so thanks anyway <3
[identity profile] purewanderlust.livejournal.com

Okay, so I've been looking for this fic for approximately ever and I have never been able to refind it. It's set pre-series, immediately after Sam leaves for Stanford, and it follows John and Dean for the days or weeks after Sam left. It's in John's POV.

Dean is kind of mid-breakdown about the whole thing, but John is kind of refusing to acknowledge it. He's kind of in denial and thinks Dean is doing pretty okay, or doesn't want to have to deal with how not-okay Dean is. Then they hunt something that they both KNOW has been throwing people off cliffs and he sees Dean follow it up onto the clifftop anyway and nearly get himself killed, and then he's like "holy shit I think he just tried to commit suicide by hunting." Dean, of course, doesn't cop to it.

I don't think the story is explicity Wincest, but iirc there are definitely implications. I think at one point John mentally compares how Dean is handling Sam leaving to how he behaved after Mary died.

Sound familiar to anyone? I've honestly been trying to find it for over a year, so any help is much appreciated.

[identity profile] bound-amalthea.livejournal.com
Hey y'all!

I'm looking for a specific fic, where Sam and Dean went their separate ways after Lucifer is released. Sam finds out he's pregnant, but can't tell Dean. Sam ends up attempting suicide in his motel bathroom, where his boss (from the local bar) finds him.
[identity profile] gracemurphy.livejournal.com
Just a general, non-specific search for stories that feature mentally ill and/or suicidal Jared or Sam. The more dark and messed up the better, I really want him to hurt (I know, I'm a terrible person). It can be AU, non-AU, gen or slash (but if it's slash please only Wincest or Jared/Jensen). I've seen a lot of mentally ill Sam fics out there but not many ones focusing on Jared. The longer the word count the better. Thanks!
[identity profile] astrisdreams.livejournal.com
Okay so you know how in all the evil!sam/dean/whoever whatever the captured one eventually succumbs to stockholm syndrome are there any fics where the pet decides that they'd rather be dead then you know a pet.

Like if Sam is the boyking of hell and has Dean as his prize, Dean commits suicide instead or something instead being trapped with him forever. Vice Versa.

Just wondering because we all know the phrase fate worst then death if it's worse then death then why haven't they offed themselves yet. Speaking of death any Dean/Death fics would be welcome to.

But yeah fics where the evil!whoever has whoever for a pet/slave/f__kbuddy and they decided they'd rather be dead then a slave.

Any paring but I'm partial to Wincest and Destiel. And I kinda want Dean to be the one who kills himself in a last screw you, they can't have him kinda way but not impartial to it being Sam or whoever.

One last request any fics where when Dean comes back from hell Ruby is jealous even if she won't admit it.
[identity profile] synapticshiver.livejournal.com
Hi! I'm looking for 2 separate specific fics, both involving Sam & Dean, probably Gen although maybe Sam/Dean.

1) A casefic set in Season 1-3, I believe, when Sam's psychic powers were still active but before Cas/Ruby become involved. Sam has some sort of vision or premonition about a woman who's in danger (in a vision, he sees her involuntarily commit suicide due to some supernatural influence) in a town somewhere in the Midwest or East Coast (I think). I don't remember why, but Sam hesitates to tell Dean this. Instead, he convinces Dean to come with him to this town on a thin lead regarding a water monster in a lake or river nearby. Dean doesn't believe him from the jump and knows Sam's hiding something, but trusts Sam enough to play along, although he's not happy about it. Sam finds the woman (who I think is a divorce attorney or something), through the help of a local diner waitress, and visits her on his own while he sends Dean off to do more research on the fictional water monster. Turns out, the water monster is real and the boys eventually take it out. Sam then sneaks off on his own again to help the woman; he stays at her place overnight and somehow prevents the supernatural influence from causing the woman to commit suicide. Dean keeps calling Sam's phone as he doesn't know where Sam is, but Sam again being sneaky doesn't call back until he saves the woman. At the end of the fic, in a token of gratitude, the woman invites Sam and Dean to have dinner at her house. This fic is probably moderate length (at least a few thousand words) and had, I think, 3-4 sections/chapters, and I think I read it on LJ or Dreamwidth.

2) Fic set in a post-apocalyptic world where human civilization is rebuilding itself, and the Winchester boys have become myth/legend for saving the world. Dean and Sam have become separated and Dean lost his memories somehow. It's written from Dean's POV but his name isn't mentioned because he doesn't remember who he is, and we only know based on description of his physical appearance and other hints. He seems like a storyteller/seer-type figure to the people around him. At the end, Sam comes and finds him, and I think I remember that Sam touches Dean's face, which is when Dean remembers who they both are. This fic is shorter (maybe 1-2 sections/chapters on LJ or Dreamwidth).

I've gone through all my bookmarks, sifted through my history for the last several months trying to find these stories but somehow I can't find them. Any help would be appreciated; these fics were beautifully written and I'd love to read them again. Thanks so much!!
[identity profile] specialagentldy.livejournal.com
Hello everyone! I am looking for a AU J2 fic where Jensen had some sort of problem with depression. I believed he was on a very strict diet where he couldn't drink any alcohol or coffee because he had overdosed on pills at one point. I know at the end of the fic he starts to take pills again and Jared frantically goes to his house but Jensen didn't do it. That's all I remember.
[identity profile] juneisamonth19.livejournal.com
hii! so, i read a destiel-centric fic years ago (on either ff.net or ao3, i am not sure, its been so long.) and i honestly don't remember much, if i knew the title i probably wouldn't need to submit a request on here so yeah.... but i will try my best to make this search for you all as painless as possible and give as much detail of the fic that i remember so you can have better chances of finding it! This summary is super long, i am so sorry!
____________________ fic summary starts now:

It may or may not have had some Sabriel but i'm not positive on that. i just remember that Gabriel was there. i also remember it had a lot of chapters soooo yeah. this was not a short story, not by a long shot. and i don't know whether or not it is a completed work or not. though by now i am sure it is completed.

So what i remember it being an AU fic where Dean and Sam retire from hunting (possibly temporarily, i think Dean and Cas might have still been hunting together and the others were just doing research in the beginning?) and stay with Bobby and Kevin at the bunker (or maybe not?? i dunno, i just remember it being Bobby Kevin Sam Cas and Dean in some sort of homey place). Dean has started to come to terms with the fact that he has feelings for Cas. some things happened after that, but i dont remember what it was and then there angels appear. Fate specifically, and she comes to Dean and says that he is going to be the mother of a new race of humans, one that will be able to bear children despite their sex ////or something like that. Fate tells him that he'll be the one carry and birth the children, but he can't keep them all. Sam offers to take deans place because he feels that Dean has suffered enough in his life and deserves to be cared for but Fate says no because it has to be Dean who brings the new race of human into the world and fate personally thought that Sam wasn't strong enough for the burden/ or wasn't worthy. i think the latter, but i dunno.

Anyway, so the first few births at are quick and painless, but eventually progress and become painful and long. Dean gets to keep at least 3 or 4(?) of the children and has to go and give the others to childless people who really really want kids. he gets attached to one of the kids, because when Dean had given birth, it wasn't the right time for the couple that were destined to get the kid, so Dean had to keep it until fate said they were ready. he left a note when he eventually did drop off the baby at the couple's doorstep. at one point there is a particularly difficult birth that Dean goes through that requires the help of various angel because the angel of fertility/childbirth was unavailable or unwilling to help Dean and Gabriel was there to help as well. On one of the last kids Dean was having, he went alone off to do something or other and stumbled upon a mother with her young son who were being harassed by a mugger or someone with a gun/knife and came to their rescue, killing the guy hat tried to hurt the woman. i think he went with them to the hospital because he goes into labor due to the whole excitement of the situation. i don't remember what happens next but the woman and Dean become friends and they become a part of deans big family.

On the last pregnancy, Dean gives birth but instead of giving it to a stranger, Fate tells Dean to give the baby boy to Sam because he is stronger than she originally thought and throughout this whole journey Sam was envious and had internal turmoil because of the fact he couldn't have a kid or didn't have a kid.

Then i think a while or so later, one of the children Dean had been able to keep was supposed to become deaf at age five, and so he made a deal with Fate so that he'd take the kid's place and be deaf instead??? two years or so in, he has become completely miserable because of not being able to hear and being a part of everyone's life and at some point everyone doesn't even bother to sign for him when they are all talking fast and whatnot with him present. he gets severely depressed, i think maybe unintentionally isolates himself from everyone and eventually commits suicide. his eldest daughter finds him dead in his and Cas' room. they give him a hunter's funeral but a few years or months after he is resurrected and turned into an angel because of all the stuff he's done for heaven and didn't really complain much about his burdens, and that the angels were very grateful so he was granted a second chance at life but as an angel. (i think this paragraph may or may not be from another fic that has similar plot. there was another future!kid!fic where dean gets pregnant as well. but i dunno anymore. im prettyyyyy sure its part of this fic, so yeah..).
ANNND thats all i remember of that amazing fic.
I hope this helps in your search, thank you!
[identity profile] argentum108.livejournal.com
I'm looking for a specific story that meets the following criteria (under the cut):

Read more... )

Thanks in advance for your help! I've been looking for this story for several days.

FOUND: Demons Took Them Away by lipah (Thank you to [livejournal.com profile] nicky69 for the find!)
[identity profile] xxlil-konekoxx.livejournal.com
This fic pops into my mind every now and again and I'd really love to read it - however, it appears that the authors account had been friend locked. It's been a few months and if they are still active have not friended in return. I've lurked through and found other posts looking for this fic and have messaged users individually without much luck.

So, I was just wondering, if anyone has this fic on hand would they be willing to send it to me? To XxLilKonekoxX@gmail.com

What Doesn't Kill Us by Kroki_Refur

[identity profile] syllysyl.livejournal.com

I was looking for a specific story where Sam commits suicide as a teenager. The story features John, Dean, and Adam (who was raised by the Winchesters/in the hunting life). The relationship amongst John, Dean, and Sam was rocky. I think Sam and Adam may have been close. I want to say he was mostly ignored or put down a lot.

After he killed himself, he pretty much became an unspoken topic in the Winchester household (they still kept his old duffel bag with some of his clothes and artifacts in the trunk of the Impala). Later on in the story, Dean and Adam were sent back in time and Sam was brought back to life.

I hope this wasn't too confusing. I'm probably mixing up other stories with the one I'm looking for lol!

EDIT: The story has been found! I did mix up the details of the story, though lol! The link for the story is in the comments :-)

Thank you every and happy holidays!
[identity profile] writewanderlust.livejournal.com
Okay, so I believe that these are two separate specific fics that I am looking for, but I could be wrong. Both are set pre-series, after Sam leaves for Stanford and are more or less from John's POV focusing on Dean and how he's handling his brother leaving (hint: not well). Both are Wincest, maybe only in implication, I can't 100% remember. I think both are oneshots/under 10k. The details I remember are below:

1. Dean is really not handling Sam leaving well and John is kind of refusing to acknowledge it, with kind of an attitude of "he's doing pretty okay" but then they hunt something that they both KNOW has been throwing people off cliffs and he sees Dean follow it up onto a clifface anyway and nearly get himself killed and then he's like "holy shit I think he just tried to commit suicide by hunting." Dean, of course, doesn't cop to it, but I think things get moderately better after they talk about it a little.

2. I remember even less detail about the second fic, but what stands out in my memory is a scene where Dean has just drunk himself dumb and is just sitting on the floor in the bathroom being intermittently sick while John witnesses. They may kind of discuss in this scene that Dean is losing it now that Sam's gone, and I think John might even draw a comparison to how he reacted to losing Mary.

I'm not quite sure that "John Finds Out" is the right genre to categorize this, but there is definitely acknowledgement from John in both of them that there was something more significant about his sons' bond than he initially realized. Take that as you will. I remember them both being subtle and very sad.

Thanks for your help!
[identity profile] junkerin.livejournal.com
Hi all!

Are there any Selfharm/Suicid Jared fic out there?

I can only find Jensen or Sam.
[identity profile] sulfurdreams.livejournal.com
So. Because I'm a masochist and angst is how I roll, I was wondering if there were any fics out there where Sam has to deal with the fallout of a suicide attempt? Like, at some point he tries to kill himself, but Dean finds out in time and stops it. But then maybe Dean's still in panic mode or freaked out or just plain tired - for whatever reason he loses his temper and slams Sam down for being so selfish, running away from his problems whenever things get hard, etc.

Just, something where almost-suicide doesn't immediately bring the boys back together, as usually happens in fics, but brings about other negative repercussions. It could even just be a brief scene where emotions are running high and Dean says something he later regrets.
Not actually looking for any Sam-bashing though, please. Though do bring on the Sam-whump. Ensuing hurt/comfort and a happy ending would be nice, if possible :D


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